For those of us who can’t have sex

I never knew there consequences to celibacy or general abstinence not until I tried breaking the circle. Vaginamus is a condition that 2 out of 100 women suffer from. Out of this two less than 10% seek treatment or go for therapy. An alarming 90% just sit down at home thinking there’s something wrong with them.

What is vaginamus? This is involuntary contractions of the vaginal muscles resulting in feeling like your hitting a wall ‘as per the male description’. To put it simply our eyes , when a fly comes near  your eyes, your eyelids will automatically shut. In that regard as the p**** approaches the vagina it automatically shuts crating a wall making penetration impossible.

The first time this happened to me I died there was too much going on for my little brain to handle. I was confused and thought years of celibacy had messed up my vagina to an irreparable state. I felt helpless but my  rush decision to see a gynecologist saved my life and that of my three year relationship.

There several reasons why one might develop vaginamus here are some of the few.

  1. Strong fear of pain resulting in spasaming. (cervical cancer and other diseases may result in pain during sex, I’ll get back to this later.
  2. Conservative mindset that associate sex as immoral and action associated with STDS or against religion.
  3. Build up from previous assault that result in your body wanting to protect itself.

Sadly I was neither 2 or 3 but definitely 1. To me sex was what you’d call painful and almost always sort of uncomfortable sensation when not associated with 4 to 5 shots of vodka. That’s one of the reasons I was able to stay celibate for up to 4yrs under pretense that I was saving myself.  I have a rare condition called endometriosis that is the root cause of all my problems. The condition is lethal and renders 90% of the women with it barren. Endometriosis is the leading cause of infertility in women today and sadly there’s no cure. 4 out of 100 women find sex painful and uncomfortable. Out of this 4, 2 have pre-existing conditions example, cervical cancer, endometriosis or fibroids that cause the excruciating pain. So the first thing to do when you find sex unbearably painful is to seek medical aid you may never know the underlying issue.

Conservative mindset mostly occurs to women who ‘saved themselves for marriage’. According to Dr Elle of the Nairobi physiotherapy clinic am alarming number of women suffer through this. This has its root on the notion that sex has consequences and abstinence is the key. It creates  mindset that sex is evil hence the body tries to ‘protect’ itself from this immoral dangerous act. This in accordance to statistics is the leading cause of vaginamus in present day Kenya.

Lastly is the leading cause and that is sexual assault that resulted to trauma or child birth that resulted in trauma. For those who have been rapped or sexually assaulted opening up and allowing someone to make love might not be as easy ass 1,2,3. Fear of valnurbility or extreme pain results in the body wanting to protect itself hence vaginamus.

So is there treatment?

No there’s no treatment for vaginamus but there’s a physiotherapy program that aids in controlling the contractions and enjoying the process. Through pelvic floor physiotherapy 75% of women get over the condition. T he rest find sex at the very least bearable.

other non medical alternative include

  1. Alchol
  2. Meds that make you buzzy

There’s no shame in having vaginamus its a common condition and a curable one at that.



Ever wondered if your the only weirdo who had an awkward sex life? I posted several threads on Reddit and craigslist and here are some interesting first time stories and experiences I got.

Names substituted for privacy reasons.

‘I was so buzzed, I remember him saying “Am in, am in” and I was like “get out, that f****ing hurts” later I just calmed down and let him finish. I was totally disappointed.


I did the whole thing sober, I remember setting the mood and buying this scented you f candles kind of like the ones you find at TAC but lower quality. It didn’t hurt so much but there was zero pleasure. I was like that’s it? Why is it so overrated? Long story short, I don’t get the hype that is sex. It’s not really something I hustle over.


My first time sucked. It was with an older man, Almost the same age as my dad. He was nice gave me a wad of cash after , so I guess it wasn’t a complete waste.


Was weird especially thinking about the dynamic. I had to try the entire year because it was difficult. When I broke it, I was so happy it was over. Thought I’d stay a virgin forever.


For a long time, I was happy with anal sex. Thought it was the right way to do it and to be honest I really enjoyed it. Still love it more than the normal way.


I was sad and only did it coz I had to. The guy didn’t really know I was a virgin and was totally shocked. I do regret it but you can’t undo it guess I’ll just have to live with it.


I was 12 had no idea what I was doing. I honestly just wanted to please my boyfriend at the time. Wish I had done things differently but am good now theres no undoing time.


I waited till I found my husband. Don’t know exactly why I waited but I don’t regret waiting.





Recently I deiced to Yolo in the literal sense of it and explore the sandy beaches of Mombasa. In quite a reckless deminour I booked an impromptu late flight at JKIA . I arrived in Moi international airport at around 7;50pm with no hotel pre-booked hotel or accommodation plans.

Being an internet addict I immediately took to my phone and typed hotel deals Mombasa. Trip advisor was the first to pop up on my screen and I began looking for offers and comparing prices between Jovango (now jumia travel ) and At the end of the day Jovago won me over as they were ksh 3000 cheaper than for Voyager hotel.

After calling getting into an Uber I arrived the hotel at around 8:50pm and was welcomed into the reception by some of the friendliest staff I have ever had the pleasure to meet. After confirming my booking I was let into the beautiful yet crazy fancy room.

Are we on a ship? was the first question I asked myself after stepping into the room. Straight from the big glassy balcony to the oval mirrors the room was sheer perfection and if am to be honest worth the hefty price. I was in awe at how marvelous it was . The view from the balcony was not only magnificent but to die for and that is me putting things lightly. It was the perfect finish to a long stressful day and Laying on the fluffy pillows that night was definitely the highlight of my day.

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Image courtesy of

When I explored the outside an instant Caribbean feel hit me, straight from the architecture to the big luscious pool. I felt like I was on the Pacific or somewhere far more exotic.

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Pool with hotel view courtesy of jumia travel

On top of things voyageur has the best hotel bar and restaurant that you need to get your vacation groove on. For me it was an all round experience and for that they get a full 4 stars for me minus the one because they wouldn’t let me stay for free.

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Beach bar

So if your looking for a nice luxurious experience in Mombasa I would definitely recommend  voyageur as not only is it the best but one of the most pocket friendly you’ll ever find.

Pros and Cons of dating an ‘Asshole’

Asshole, jerk or douchebag — it’s always that “bad boy” type of guy that women are drawn to.

Assholes drive women up the wall, yet when a perfect gentleman walks by, they let ’em pass on by. There’s just something about chasing after a jerk that’s so appealing.

But women just seem to set themselves up for a challenge when dating a douche.

And when they decide to seek out a genuinely nice guy, a lot of the time, they’re duped by a man who just doesn’t show his true colors right away.

On the surface, he’s all sweet, but those asshole tendencies don’t shine through until later on. We believe we’ve found Mr. Right, just to find out he was a big enough asshole to lure us in in the first place.

To avoid all that unnecessary boy drama, here are four immediate pros and inevitable cons to dating an asshole and why you should trade them in for a nice guy ASAP.

He will keep things exciting (as if life were a dramatic reality show).

Some people will describe nice guys as boring… but are they really that bad?

Isn’t it kind of nice not to constantly deal with the ups and down of a dramatic relationship that come with a douche?

At first, things with an asshole usually seem fiery and passionate, but that same fire is sure to burn through the bad times just as intensely.

Instead, find a guy who gets your blood racing, not boiling over.

He will remember important details from your time together (but only when you were fighting).


What would you rather have: a guy who remembers your first kiss together or a guy who hangs what you said to him during a drunken argument over your head forever?

I think the answer is pretty clear.

Assholes can have selective memory, and it’s usually not for the good things or the best times. They use the bad stuff in relationships to justify emotionally distancing themselves from you.

If an asshole keeps trying to bring up stuff from the past, let them know it’s only damaging your happiness in the present and the future.

He will be there for you (most of the time).

Assholes have mastered the art of placing women low on their list of priorities, all while still being around just enough to make them feel too needy in a relationship.

They enjoy playing mind games. While you want to have a guy’s attention, some guys will hold that over you like pizza on a treadmill.

So make sure you look out for the difference between a guy being occasionally busy and just permanently unavailable whenever you need him.

He will change your life forever (by scarring you emotionally).


You’ll never forget the crazy, wasted time spent with a true asshole.

Assholes manage to leave a person feeling so mistreated and confused by the end of a relationship. You dwell on all the blame that’s been put on you for things not working out.

But in reality, he was never the right guy for you to be with in the first place.

If you’re debating whether a guy falls under the “nice” or “jerk” category, just ask yourself if they make you happy. Do they put in effort to make you feel your best? If not, are you just making excuses for them and settling? Really dig deep and think about it.

Assholes are fun to fuck around with, sure, but at the end of the day, it’s a nice guy who’s going to be there waiting for you to catch you when you fall.

Make the right decision.

The Day I attempted suicide

They say you never miss a good thing till its gone. I guess am a true example of that saying  I never appreciated the life I had until I almost lost it.

All my friends believe it was a X that drove me to it but in all total honesty it was probably them that caused it. Not to sound all thirteen reasons why but genuinely they probably would have done something to prevent it.

X is the love of my life, literally I would take a bullet for him, Your probably wondering why am saying this given I have a countless array of sugar daddies at my beck and call. Am saying this because its the truth I value my relationship  with him more than anything. So they day he decided to end things, I was shattered mostly because I knew it was my fault.

M, was the cause of all my grief. They say in newtons laws of motion a collision

For every force there is a reaction force that is equal in size, but opposite in direction. That is to say that whenever an object pushes another object it gets pushed back in the opposite direction equally hard. I guess I pushed her and she in turn pushed back harder. The collision only ended up hurting me because she was the stronger force at hand.

To understand this I would have to start from the beginning. Here is an excerpt from my online journal that I wrote to her after my suicide attempt. I did not give to her mostly because it didn’t matter anymore I’d pieced my life back and was never going to turn back.

13 reasons why, clay jensen, and quote image

Dear M

You were always part of my inner circle up until you became a loud mouth and spread things about someone I cared about. You for one knew the one thing that I hate the most is dealing with people who hurt other people. So when I confronted you about it you sidelined me started hanging out with other people and chose to ignore me. I thought you’d  end things there like I did you but  you were planing on sneaking up on me and truly hurt me when I had all my amour down. I confided with you about my exploits and crazy dates. Showed you a tone of my pictures and even on occasion went out with you, my mistake. I trusted you a little too much. I should have known better because you were the first to send me to the wolves when the time stoke. I genuinely loved you as a friend maybe even more than that but you betrayed me. Sold out all my secrets and embarrassed me. You hurt me, ruined me and destroyed the one thing that I ever loved beyond you. I do believe in Karma and that’s the only reason I choose to forgive you because one day, you’ll realize the full impact of your actions.


depression, sad, and suicidal imageI remember going to class that morning thinking all was fine. Actually, looking forward to having a better day only to be welcomed by pity stares and mummers. I wish I had ignored everyone that day. What I would give to God to take me back and stop me from waking up  that morning. When I found out I kept quiet and waited for the worst to fall over. X tried talking to me but I ignored him because I knew he would break up with me and spoiler alert he did.

In a rush of insanity I went home initially I planned to calm myself down, maybe go for a jog and get out of school for a while but my mum had other things in mind. She literally sent me to my room for skipping school. I felt alone frustrated and desperate. My mind kept rotating and I let the desperation get the best of me. Without thinking twice I took a razor blade and slush my left wrist something I regret to this very day. It was a rushed decision and a stupid one at that but at that time it felt right. For a minute I was glad, all my problems were over. I was finally free, all those basic bitches like M could continue living their pathetic lives without me as an object of torture. Then sense rushed back and I realized all I had ahead. I was fourteen for Christ sake, my problems were temporally at best. So I screamed.

“Lucy!!!!” I could hear my sister but only for a brief second before I passed out.

I remember waking up at the hospital my family and even X were there looking at me. No one spoke and I don’t blame them. I understood them a little too well. What do you say to a girl who has just tried to commit suicide ‘Thank God your alive’ when your not sure if she’s even glad to be. They choose to remain quiet but the silence spoke volumes.

At times people make stupid decisions based on the rush of the moment. I for one had no real intention of killing myself but at that very moment I wanted to die. I felt so frustrated and alone to the extent of thinking only death would solve my problems. So if you ever feel like your drowning talk to  someone at times it may just save your life.

shawn mendes, suicide, and shawn image




A lot of people probably don’t know this but several designers have made Kenya their primary source of inspiration. Local shops with unique brand names are cropping up every day and taking the world by storm. Here are to name a few that are stunning to the hilt.

  1. Sand and Storm Kenya


Ever since I started my own little SME I’ve run into their page several times by what you can call ‘accident’. Their leather bags and accessories are timeless, well-tailored and in my own words amazing. With six stores in Nairobi and Kenya at large they bring to the market a wide selection of canvas and leather bags to fit your work, school or general backpacking adventures. There definitely a power house, a classy combination of made in Kenya and timeless elegance. A definite top house to watch out  for in the emerging fashion and design field in Kenya. You can find them on and get your own timeless piece.

  1. Zuri Kenya


Fantastic does not even cover what I think about Zuri Kenya. Their instagram page takes you through the entire creative process and yes, I mean everything. Known for their spotty and fun kitenge mix dresses Zuri Kenya is the kind of shop you stop by when you want something cute and funky and at the same time want to support the Kenyan industry. Made by the famous Soko Kenya Zuri Kenya provides high end local clothing without killing the local culture in the process. You can check out their page on and support the Kenyan industry.


3. Lalesso

Mwisho Swimsuit 2.jpgLooking for something spontaneous and fun that is both cultural and classy? Then look no further because Lalesso has got you. With the cutestest printed bikini mesh work Lalesso is definitely an emerging fashion giant in the African market. You can find them on




I love

I’ve always been a strong supporter of airbnb hands down I’ll admit it and before that Jumia Travel was my ultimate go to travel source up until yesterday. sneaked through the cracks and landed on browser forum.

So what is sleepout, is a hip new startup kinda like airbnb but also with a classy side . It offers affordable to low end accommodations depending on which suits your travel plans.

The reef hotel, a mid range Kenyan hotel bookings can be made through

xandu Luxury apartments. A sample of highend deals you can get. booking can be done through

Though currently limited to only a few countries in Africa, is exactly what you need to plan your perfect getaway. Umped with countless alternatives it gives individualized options that help you pick out the perfect vacation for you. From beach themed holiday homes to stunning tree top homes has got you covered. It has a perfect price estimate line that works with your budget and a proper site map to ensure you don’t pick a location outside your desired area. Just like airbnb sleepout also gives you a calendar to ensure you only get bookings that are available on your set travel dates.

Unlike many cooperate travel sites that are overcrowded covers only African destinations something that gives total and complete attention to the continent. If your looking for a place to post your lodgings without constant fears of being overshadowed by western countries then sleepout is definitely the site for you. Its secure booking system and payment arrangement easily enable you to work smoothly with them without any constraints. Sleepout also offers multiple services such as Uber discounts to facilitate a smooth travel experience, food and events discounts in several of key destination cities among others.

All in all the site is gorgeous and without a shadow of doubt the best I’ve seen in a while. I’ll be making my booking soon and will ensure I write about my experience with the site then. Otherwise so far so good,  am extremely impressed and hoping to make this site a part of my great visit to the south if all goes well.



Every time I say it I feel like am going Insane but yes I’ve finally decided to take the plunge and dive right into the madness. This December I plan to go to Capetown by bus and enjoy every minute of it.

Here is a proper breakdown of my journey.

  1. Nairobi to Mombasa by Train

Given the new SGR rates, it should be a well under ksh 800 journey that is usd 8 and will take five hours only which is something am totally excited about.

I plan to stay over one night at this cute airbnb

Spacious rooms overlooking private garden with balcony, A/C, TV and private bathroom.


I plan to go directly by bus using Tahmeed this should cost roughly ksh 1800 or usd 18.

My www.airbnb,com of choice is this cheap cute room that is jut to die for.


I plan to take advantage of fastjets cheap air service. this will cost me only ksh 9500 or less a figure that am extremely happy with. I plan to spend a lot of time in Zambia 3-4 days because I plan to travel up to the falls and back.

Room I intend to stay in at the falls in Matebaland North Province Zimbabwe.


room in Harare, cheap and cozy.

Harare to Capetown via Air

This will cost a little over ksh 12,000 with South African Airways but will totally be worth the tedious journey. In Capetown I have ready accommodation and surprisingly even better service. I’ll still stay in an airbnb there but at some really low monthly rent. 


Image courtesy of

With that marks my long journey to Capetown. I’ll be sure to update all my readers on the happenings along the way.



  1. Your period is just blood until your sexually active then it becomes a serious risk of pregnancy.
  2. You our virginity doesn’t matter as much as you think it does, once you break it you genuinely care less about it.
  3. 90%of guys who hit on you are only after sex, true fact.
  4. True love you for love that knows no boundaries and sadly very few men will love you for who you are as opposed to what you can give.
  5. Once in your life-term you’ll probably meet a guy who will only see you as you as walking baby making machine.
  6. Don’t feel bad when someone says something inappropriate about you in public that’s life and don’t be too hard on yourself.
  7. You’ll probably feel depressed when your unemployed but once you get out of that phase life will be better than you excepted.
  8. Don’t beat yourself up over crying after sex, sometimes hormones and judgement get ahead of you and you feel like you deserve better.
  9. Sometimes your just an inexperienced , it doesn’t make you a horrible human being.
  10. You’ll remember the first time they passed you up in favor of a man because you’ll never know if gender was the sole reason.

Top 5 most Influential Kenyan Women

The saying women are the backbone of the economy has always sounded more appealing to me than the saying, behind every strong man there’s a woman. Here are some women who clearly don’t need men to complement their success.

  1. NJOKI NDUNGUImage result for njoki ndungu husband

Originally from a posh but not so happy background. Njoki Ndugu’s road to power was never an easy one. She came to fame during her reign as a nominated MP when she repealed the sexual offences Act and ensured the culprits got enough sentences to match their crimes. A strong Advocate of the My dress my choice movement and the first ever female supreme court judge, Njoki Ndugu has proven to be one of the influential women  in not only Kenya but the entire African Region.




2. Caroline Mutoko

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It’s not possible to  mention successful women in Kenya and leave out Caroline Mutuko’. Caroline Mutoko is the managing director of The Star and weekly contributor in the same newspaper. She is also a respected marketer as well as a Radio Presenter. Caroline is rumored to be one of the most paid people in Kenya with an estimated seven figure salary. Due to her well known social standing she is a sort after speaker in feminism forums and a mentor under the Safaricom Blaze platform. With such strong attributes shes surely one of Kenyans most respected female personalities.


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Famous for her physical features and strong entrepreneurial skills, Huddah definitely makes the list. With  a following of more than a million people on all social media networks in Kenya Huddah is definitely a top trend setter among millennials. Originally from a humble background, she has managed to rise and become one of the entrepreneurs through her Huddah cosmetics line. She is definitely one to watch out for in the coming years.


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One of the most sort after bloggers in Kenya Joy Kendi definitely makes the cut and is fourth on our list. With huge brands like Decaons and LC Wakiki under her belt, shes definitely what all Kenyan fashion and lifestyle bloggers hope to be . A mixture of beauty and brains Joy Kendi is one of the most influential persons on Kenyan social media with an estimated reach of more than 4000 people on a single post. With such a following it’s clear to see why shes a top influencer in Kenya.


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Kenya’s very own first lady comes out as a powerhouse in the country. Through serious projects like the Beyond Zero Movement, The first lady Marathon and the Jiggers campaign its clear to see why she lands a spot on our list. She’s what most call a female with brains to spare due to the huge achievements under her belt. Through her various charities she has managed to save thousands of children and mothers through her free maternity initiative and rescue a number of people living in Jigger infested areas. She’s definitely a woman with power and enough standing to be a top influencer in the country and beyond.