For those of us who can’t have sex

I never knew there consequences to celibacy or general abstinence not until I tried breaking the circle. Vaginamus is a condition that 2 out of 100 women suffer from. Out of this two less than 10% seek treatment or go for therapy. An alarming 90% just sit down at home thinking there’s something wrong with them.

What is vaginamus? This is involuntary contractions of the vaginal muscles resulting in feeling like your hitting a wall ‘as per the male description’. To put it simply our eyes , when a fly comes near  your eyes, your eyelids will automatically shut. In that regard as the p**** approaches the vagina it automatically shuts crating a wall making penetration impossible.

The first time this happened to me I died there was too much going on for my little brain to handle. I was confused and thought years of celibacy had messed up my vagina to an irreparable state. I felt helpless but my  rush decision to see a gynecologist saved my life and that of my three year relationship.

There several reasons why one might develop vaginamus here are some of the few.

  1. Strong fear of pain resulting in spasaming. (cervical cancer and other diseases may result in pain during sex, I’ll get back to this later.
  2. Conservative mindset that associate sex as immoral and action associated with STDS or against religion.
  3. Build up from previous assault that result in your body wanting to protect itself.

Sadly I was neither 2 or 3 but definitely 1. To me sex was what you’d call painful and almost always sort of uncomfortable sensation when not associated with 4 to 5 shots of vodka. That’s one of the reasons I was able to stay celibate for up to 4yrs under pretense that I was saving myself.  I have a rare condition called endometriosis that is the root cause of all my problems. The condition is lethal and renders 90% of the women with it barren. Endometriosis is the leading cause of infertility in women today and sadly there’s no cure. 4 out of 100 women find sex painful and uncomfortable. Out of this 4, 2 have pre-existing conditions example, cervical cancer, endometriosis or fibroids that cause the excruciating pain. So the first thing to do when you find sex unbearably painful is to seek medical aid you may never know the underlying issue.

Conservative mindset mostly occurs to women who ‘saved themselves for marriage’. According to Dr Elle of the Nairobi physiotherapy clinic am alarming number of women suffer through this. This has its root on the notion that sex has consequences and abstinence is the key. It creates  mindset that sex is evil hence the body tries to ‘protect’ itself from this immoral dangerous act. This in accordance to statistics is the leading cause of vaginamus in present day Kenya.

Lastly is the leading cause and that is sexual assault that resulted to trauma or child birth that resulted in trauma. For those who have been rapped or sexually assaulted opening up and allowing someone to make love might not be as easy ass 1,2,3. Fear of valnurbility or extreme pain results in the body wanting to protect itself hence vaginamus.

So is there treatment?

No there’s no treatment for vaginamus but there’s a physiotherapy program that aids in controlling the contractions and enjoying the process. Through pelvic floor physiotherapy 75% of women get over the condition. T he rest find sex at the very least bearable.

other non medical alternative include

  1. Alchol
  2. Meds that make you buzzy

There’s no shame in having vaginamus its a common condition and a curable one at that.

 

GIRLS TELL ABOUT THEIR FIRST TIME

Ever wondered if your the only weirdo who had an awkward sex life? I posted several threads on Reddit and craigslist and here are some interesting first time stories and experiences I got.

Names substituted for privacy reasons.

‘I was so buzzed, I remember him saying “Am in, am in” and I was like “get out, that f****ing hurts” later I just calmed down and let him finish. I was totally disappointed.

Sammy

I did the whole thing sober, I remember setting the mood and buying this scented you f candles kind of like the ones you find at TAC but lower quality. It didn’t hurt so much but there was zero pleasure. I was like that’s it? Why is it so overrated? Long story short, I don’t get the hype that is sex. It’s not really something I hustle over.

Maureen

My first time sucked. It was with an older man, Almost the same age as my dad. He was nice gave me a wad of cash after , so I guess it wasn’t a complete waste.

Stacy

Was weird especially thinking about the dynamic. I had to try the entire year because it was difficult. When I broke it, I was so happy it was over. Thought I’d stay a virgin forever.

Mary

For a long time, I was happy with anal sex. Thought it was the right way to do it and to be honest I really enjoyed it. Still love it more than the normal way.

Hellen

I was sad and only did it coz I had to. The guy didn’t really know I was a virgin and was totally shocked. I do regret it but you can’t undo it guess I’ll just have to live with it.

Alaine

I was 12 had no idea what I was doing. I honestly just wanted to please my boyfriend at the time. Wish I had done things differently but am good now theres no undoing time.

Halima

I waited till I found my husband. Don’t know exactly why I waited but I don’t regret waiting.

Amina

 

 

MY EXPERIENCE AT VOYAGER HOTEL

Recently I deiced to Yolo in the literal sense of it and explore the sandy beaches of Mombasa. In quite a reckless deminour I booked an impromptu late flight at JKIA . I arrived in Moi international airport at around 7;50pm with no hotel pre-booked hotel or accommodation plans.

Being an internet addict I immediately took to my phone and typed hotel deals Mombasa. Trip advisor was the first to pop up on my screen and I began looking for offers and comparing prices between Jovango (now jumia travel ) and Booking.com. At the end of the day Jovago won me over as they were ksh 3000 cheaper than booking.com for Voyager hotel.

After calling getting into an Uber I arrived the hotel at around 8:50pm and was welcomed into the reception by some of the friendliest staff I have ever had the pleasure to meet. After confirming my booking I was let into the beautiful yet crazy fancy room.

Are we on a ship? was the first question I asked myself after stepping into the room. Straight from the big glassy balcony to the oval mirrors the room was sheer perfection and if am to be honest worth the hefty price. I was in awe at how marvelous it was . The view from the balcony was not only magnificent but to die for and that is me putting things lightly. It was the perfect finish to a long stressful day and Laying on the fluffy pillows that night was definitely the highlight of my day.

.Image result for voyager hotel mombasa

Image courtesy of booking.com

When I explored the outside an instant Caribbean feel hit me, straight from the architecture to the big luscious pool. I felt like I was on the Pacific or somewhere far more exotic.

Image result for voyager hotel mombasa

Pool with hotel view courtesy of jumia travel

On top of things voyageur has the best hotel bar and restaurant that you need to get your vacation groove on. For me it was an all round experience and for that they get a full 4 stars for me minus the one because they wouldn’t let me stay for free.

Image result for voyager hotel mombasa

Beach bar

So if your looking for a nice luxurious experience in Mombasa I would definitely recommend  voyageur as not only is it the best but one of the most pocket friendly you’ll ever find.

Pros and Cons of dating an ‘Asshole’

Asshole, jerk or douchebag — it’s always that “bad boy” type of guy that women are drawn to.

Assholes drive women up the wall, yet when a perfect gentleman walks by, they let ’em pass on by. There’s just something about chasing after a jerk that’s so appealing.

But women just seem to set themselves up for a challenge when dating a douche.

And when they decide to seek out a genuinely nice guy, a lot of the time, they’re duped by a man who just doesn’t show his true colors right away.

On the surface, he’s all sweet, but those asshole tendencies don’t shine through until later on. We believe we’ve found Mr. Right, just to find out he was a big enough asshole to lure us in in the first place.

To avoid all that unnecessary boy drama, here are four immediate pros and inevitable cons to dating an asshole and why you should trade them in for a nice guy ASAP.

He will keep things exciting (as if life were a dramatic reality show).

Some people will describe nice guys as boring… but are they really that bad?

Isn’t it kind of nice not to constantly deal with the ups and down of a dramatic relationship that come with a douche?

At first, things with an asshole usually seem fiery and passionate, but that same fire is sure to burn through the bad times just as intensely.

Instead, find a guy who gets your blood racing, not boiling over.


He will remember important details from your time together (but only when you were fighting).

guy-disgusted-mean-outside-party

What would you rather have: a guy who remembers your first kiss together or a guy who hangs what you said to him during a drunken argument over your head forever?

I think the answer is pretty clear.

Assholes can have selective memory, and it’s usually not for the good things or the best times. They use the bad stuff in relationships to justify emotionally distancing themselves from you.

If an asshole keeps trying to bring up stuff from the past, let them know it’s only damaging your happiness in the present and the future.


He will be there for you (most of the time).

Assholes have mastered the art of placing women low on their list of priorities, all while still being around just enough to make them feel too needy in a relationship.

They enjoy playing mind games. While you want to have a guy’s attention, some guys will hold that over you like pizza on a treadmill.

So make sure you look out for the difference between a guy being occasionally busy and just permanently unavailable whenever you need him.


He will change your life forever (by scarring you emotionally).

annoyed-girl-party-creep-nerd-guy

You’ll never forget the crazy, wasted time spent with a true asshole.

Assholes manage to leave a person feeling so mistreated and confused by the end of a relationship. You dwell on all the blame that’s been put on you for things not working out.

But in reality, he was never the right guy for you to be with in the first place.

If you’re debating whether a guy falls under the “nice” or “jerk” category, just ask yourself if they make you happy. Do they put in effort to make you feel your best? If not, are you just making excuses for them and settling? Really dig deep and think about it.

Assholes are fun to fuck around with, sure, but at the end of the day, it’s a nice guy who’s going to be there waiting for you to catch you when you fall.

Make the right decision.

TOP THREE DESIGN HOUSES THAT NEED MORE RECOGNITION IN KENYA

A lot of people probably don’t know this but several designers have made Kenya their primary source of inspiration. Local shops with unique brand names are cropping up every day and taking the world by storm. Here are to name a few that are stunning to the hilt.

  1. Sand and Storm Kenya

Kimana

Ever since I started my own little SME I’ve run into their page several times by what you can call ‘accident’. Their leather bags and accessories are timeless, well-tailored and in my own words amazing. With six stores in Nairobi and Kenya at large they bring to the market a wide selection of canvas and leather bags to fit your work, school or general backpacking adventures. There definitely a power house, a classy combination of made in Kenya and timeless elegance. A definite top house to watch out  for in the emerging fashion and design field in Kenya. You can find them on www.sandstormkenya.com and get your own timeless piece.

  1. Zuri Kenya

Honeycomb

Fantastic does not even cover what I think about Zuri Kenya. Their instagram page takes you through the entire creative process and yes, I mean everything. Known for their spotty and fun kitenge mix dresses Zuri Kenya is the kind of shop you stop by when you want something cute and funky and at the same time want to support the Kenyan industry. Made by the famous Soko Kenya Zuri Kenya provides high end local clothing without killing the local culture in the process. You can check out their page on www.shopzuri.com and support the Kenyan industry.

 

3. Lalesso

Mwisho Swimsuit 2.jpgLooking for something spontaneous and fun that is both cultural and classy? Then look no further because Lalesso has got you. With the cutestest printed bikini mesh work Lalesso is definitely an emerging fashion giant in the African market. You can find them on www.lalesso.com/shop/

 

 

 

TEN THINGS I ALL WOMEN SHOULD KNOW

  1. Your period is just blood until your sexually active then it becomes a serious risk of pregnancy.
  2. You our virginity doesn’t matter as much as you think it does, once you break it you genuinely care less about it.
  3. 90%of guys who hit on you are only after sex, true fact.
  4. True love you for love that knows no boundaries and sadly very few men will love you for who you are as opposed to what you can give.
  5. Once in your life-term you’ll probably meet a guy who will only see you as you as walking baby making machine.
  6. Don’t feel bad when someone says something inappropriate about you in public that’s life and don’t be too hard on yourself.
  7. You’ll probably feel depressed when your unemployed but once you get out of that phase life will be better than you excepted.
  8. Don’t beat yourself up over crying after sex, sometimes hormones and judgement get ahead of you and you feel like you deserve better.
  9. Sometimes your just an inexperienced , it doesn’t make you a horrible human being.
  10. You’ll remember the first time they passed you up in favor of a man because you’ll never know if gender was the sole reason.

Top 5 most Influential Kenyan Women

The saying women are the backbone of the economy has always sounded more appealing to me than the saying, behind every strong man there’s a woman. Here are some women who clearly don’t need men to complement their success.

  1. NJOKI NDUNGUImage result for njoki ndungu husband

Originally from a posh but not so happy background. Njoki Ndugu’s road to power was never an easy one. She came to fame during her reign as a nominated MP when she repealed the sexual offences Act and ensured the culprits got enough sentences to match their crimes. A strong Advocate of the My dress my choice movement and the first ever female supreme court judge, Njoki Ndugu has proven to be one of the influential women  in not only Kenya but the entire African Region.

 

 

 

2. Caroline Mutoko

Image result for caroline mutoko

It’s not possible to  mention successful women in Kenya and leave out Caroline Mutuko’. Caroline Mutoko is the managing director of The Star and weekly contributor in the same newspaper. She is also a respected marketer as well as a Radio Presenter. Caroline is rumored to be one of the most paid people in Kenya with an estimated seven figure salary. Due to her well known social standing she is a sort after speaker in feminism forums and a mentor under the Safaricom Blaze platform. With such strong attributes shes surely one of Kenyans most respected female personalities.

3. HUDDAH MONROE

Image result for huddah monroe

Famous for her physical features and strong entrepreneurial skills, Huddah definitely makes the list. With  a following of more than a million people on all social media networks in Kenya Huddah is definitely a top trend setter among millennials. Originally from a humble background, she has managed to rise and become one of the entrepreneurs through her Huddah cosmetics line. She is definitely one to watch out for in the coming years.

4. JOY KENDI

Image result for joy kendi

One of the most sort after bloggers in Kenya Joy Kendi definitely makes the cut and is fourth on our list. With huge brands like Decaons and LC Wakiki under her belt, shes definitely what all Kenyan fashion and lifestyle bloggers hope to be . A mixture of beauty and brains Joy Kendi is one of the most influential persons on Kenyan social media with an estimated reach of more than 4000 people on a single post. With such a following it’s clear to see why shes a top influencer in Kenya.

5. MARGRET KENYATTA

Image result for margaret kenyatta

Kenya’s very own first lady comes out as a powerhouse in the country. Through serious projects like the Beyond Zero Movement, The first lady Marathon and the Jiggers campaign its clear to see why she lands a spot on our list. She’s what most call a female with brains to spare due to the huge achievements under her belt. Through her various charities she has managed to save thousands of children and mothers through her free maternity initiative and rescue a number of people living in Jigger infested areas. She’s definitely a woman with power and enough standing to be a top influencer in the country and beyond.

 

 

HUSBANDS TAKE ON MARRIAGE

Alfred

I thought marriage meant I’d get mad pussy, constant attention and unlimited love. lets just say I got neither of that.

M

If you love yourself don’t get married.  She eventually starts seeing you as a moving ATM. The kids want that, the house needs a maid coz I need time, money this , money that and yet she doesn’t make a dime herself.

Sam

It added twenty pounds, It seats all day eating and eating. Its like being married to a truck. I swear if it wasn’t for the kids I’d leave without looking back.

Tim

I love my wife, she’s amazing and a good mother to my kids. I honestly have never regretted my marriage for even a minute.

K

Sex is nonexistent and whining has become the order of the day. Its like I have three kids instead of two.

Sad Man

She annoys me all the time. I can’t stand being in her presence. I am planning to get a divorce soon.

H

She asked me when having sex ‘after you finish can you please switch the bulb in the main bathroom?

Old Man

I’ve been married for thirty years and to be honest I have regretted it for 28 of those years, lets just say marriage is for idiots.

Young and frustrated

Right now shes in the bathroom crying and won’t talk to me. I don’t know what I’ve done but I know whatever stupid thing she did will end up being my fault anyway.

Engaged

Your making me rethink my wedding plans.

Tired ASF

She’s a good mum, good cook and terrible wife. All she does is milk me for money and recommend over priced schools for our kids. Am up to my neck in debt, work two jobs, while all she does is seat home drinking wine with her friends I swear, I need a new wife at least one who will put out once in a while to relieve this stress.

Honest Monster

Having a wife is like living with a tiger. You never know when she’ll turn around and decide to kill you.

 

 

 

 

Nakuru Travel Guide

When it comes to lakes in Kenya I have to admit Lake Nakuru takes the cake. Located just before the city the lake is surrounded by the Lake Nakuru National Park which is well known for its population of 300+ Buffalos and  Impalas. It is ranked as a top ten destination in Kenya and rarely fails to live up to its Hype.

Here are a few Do’s and Don’ts when in Nakuru

1.Airbnb all the way 

Sample airbnb apartment in Nakuru for as little as USD 11 (ksh 1100)

Sample airbnb apartment in Nakuru for as little as USD 11 (ksh 1100)

Nakuru is a developing town meaning if you have to pay more than ksh 5000(USD 45) you’ve already spent two much money. Airbnb on the othe hand offers cheap, clean accommodation that ranges from ksh 1000 to ksh 3500 (USD 10 to 35). So if you have no intention of spending too much this is the best option.

www.airbnb.com

 

 

  1. Get a rental for the day if you don’t have a car

As stated above Nakuru is a developing town hence the need to cut cost grows with every visit. Its impossible to enter the park on foot mainly because of the large numbers of wild animals you’ll meet in the park. So if your planning to visit and you do not have one you can rent one at a local dealership or take advantage of the half day rentals at www.pigiame.co.ke . Prices will range from KSH 1500-2500 for a five seater full day to over KSH 2000 depending on the number of seats.

  1. Park Entry Fees are Extremely High
A view of lake Nakuru A salt water lake located within the lake Nakuru park

A view of lake Nakuru A salt water lake located within the lake Nakuru park

When was the last time you paid USD 75 to enter anywhere other than a Justin Beiber concert. This place is Kenya’s most expensive park. It puts the famous Masaai Mara Serengeti to shame. Entry fees range for citizens are KSH 250 kids and KSH 1000 adults. For non-citizens USD 75 and USD 50 for kids. Apart from this there additional charges for guides and car entrance into the park. So if you’re a non-citizen it is advisable to not come with anything less than KSH 10,000.

 

  1. Go before Noon

If you really want to see lions it’s advisable to go before noon as the cats tend to hide before noon. Lake Nakuru National park has no elephants so it’s only fair to try and see the Lions. If you don’t succeed am sure the Rhinos and Buffalo will not disappoint.

  1. Ask to be taken to Baboon Cliff 

    Best cliff in Lake Nakuru. Full of baboons and picnic benches

    Best cliff in Lake Nakuru. Full of baboons and picnic benches

Unlike Nairobi national park there no spots to seat and eat from in the park but there no restrictions to having picnics inside the park. Baboon cliff has nice well done seats where you can seat down and enjoy a nice home cooked meal in full view of the lake. Since there no more flamingos it’s only advisable to enjoy the picnic area.

 

 

 

  1. Take Advantage of the local restaurants
Moca Loca resturant located in the heart of Nakuru Town

Moca Loca resturant located in the heart of Nakuru Town

Moca Loca is a restaurant within Nakuru town captured my heart. It is a restaurant by day and a club by night and definitely the biggest highlight of my trip. So if you’re not in a hurry to continue with your safari this is a must visit destination. It is a neat elegant place with simple friendly people that are not only easy to interact with but also willing to help. The food is cheap and delicious. They also have a well-stocked bar and a live band to compliment the delicious meals. This is a definite must visit destination.

 

  1. Don’t be scared to party

Unlike Nairobi Partying in Nakuru is extremely cheap with drinks for as little as ksh 180 -250. My top picks are:

  1. Moca Loca bar and bristo
  2. 64 club ensure you carry your ID here
  3. Las Vegas: The club with the cheapest and best shisha in the area
  4. Platinum 7D best club to close the night at as it is well situated and has all the things you need to nurse your hangovers. From food to late night snacks they definitely have you covered.
  1. Additional places that can’t go unmentioned include:
    1. Kivu resort pool

    Best place if you want a swim and a cheap place to take your family and friends for a cheap meal. They also have customs you can rent just in case you forgot to carry your own.

    1. Menegai crater

    It’s basically just a big deep whole but definitely something worth seeing when you have nothing better to do. Please ensure you do not hire a guide here. There’s basically no need as there’s not much to be told. So save you ksh 100 and go for shopping or something.

    1. The mall

    Nice place to chill out and do some light shopping in Nakumatt. There’s also Aga khan hospital here a famous hospital in Kenya. A java (most popular Kenyan restaurant chain). So anything you require this place has you completely covered.

     

Travel to Mombasa with 6k

Its amazing the things you can do with only ksh 6000 in Mombasa for a full three day journey.

To enjoy this you will require the following.

  1. An phone with strong internet access
  2. KSH 6000 in cash
  3. a good personality and positive attitude.

Step one.

Go to the website airbnb, type in Mombasa and choose the cheapest accommodation you can find for ksh 1000 t0 1200

A simple airbnb room for only ksh 1000 The room comes with a minifridge and tiny kitchen t

A simple airbnb room for only ksh 1000 The room comes with a mini fridge and tiny kitchen

Ensure the room does not come with extra costs such as cleaning fees and security deposits. Also ensure the room in a convenient location preferably within the city center, Nyali or Chuda areas.

Call the host in advance once you established your days and place a booking for two days.

Step 2 

Now that we have got accomodation down time to establish our transportation.

Go to the Modern coast website or stage on your transportation day and book your desired bus. Because of our limited time I’d recommend booking the ksh 1000 bus and travelling form 10 pm to 7 am the next day and book the same for the return day.

Ensure you have sufficient charge in your phone or carry a power bank in case you end up in a bus with no charging facilities.

Step 3 

Now that we have traveled and we have already spent ksh 3000 means we only have around ksh 1500 to stretch over the next two days.

First do some light shopping of food, since your cooking for yourself in your room . Buy purely essentials and be careful not to exceed ksh 500.

That leaves us with ksh 1500 to blow around on transport and non essentials.

A bottle of beer in most places is 200 – 300 so if your there for a night out you can have a maximum of three beers. leave an extra 500 in case you want to visit the beach and visit historical sites like fort Jesus where you’ll spend roughly 150-200.

Step 4

Time to go back to Nairobi.

Ensure you book a late flight and sleep through your journey home.

 

TIPS 

  1. Save money and spend more days .Have a companion or friend and spend less on accommodation. this is due to the fact that 98% of airbnb rooms allow two guests for the price of one. So you have the simple option of sharing a bed and spending around 500 a day each on accommodation.
  2.  Cut food costs by avoiding to eat out. Try cooking your own meals as much as possible in oder to avoid extra costs.
  3. Avoid taxis and opt for public transport. Uber is cheaper in Mombasa but you always want to have the option to pay less. tuk tuk are ksh 50 to all destinations in the city. Public transport to Nyali is less than Ksh 100. So always opt for the two when trying to save money.