For those of us who can’t have sex

I never knew there consequences to celibacy or general abstinence not until I tried breaking the circle. Vaginamus is a condition that 2 out of 100 women suffer from. Out of this two less than 10% seek treatment or go for therapy. An alarming 90% just sit down at home thinking there’s something wrong with them.

What is vaginamus? This is involuntary contractions of the vaginal muscles resulting in feeling like your hitting a wall ‘as per the male description’. To put it simply our eyes , when a fly comes near  your eyes, your eyelids will automatically shut. In that regard as the p**** approaches the vagina it automatically shuts crating a wall making penetration impossible.

The first time this happened to me I died there was too much going on for my little brain to handle. I was confused and thought years of celibacy had messed up my vagina to an irreparable state. I felt helpless but my  rush decision to see a gynecologist saved my life and that of my three year relationship.

There several reasons why one might develop vaginamus here are some of the few.

  1. Strong fear of pain resulting in spasaming. (cervical cancer and other diseases may result in pain during sex, I’ll get back to this later.
  2. Conservative mindset that associate sex as immoral and action associated with STDS or against religion.
  3. Build up from previous assault that result in your body wanting to protect itself.

Sadly I was neither 2 or 3 but definitely 1. To me sex was what you’d call painful and almost always sort of uncomfortable sensation when not associated with 4 to 5 shots of vodka. That’s one of the reasons I was able to stay celibate for up to 4yrs under pretense that I was saving myself.  I have a rare condition called endometriosis that is the root cause of all my problems. The condition is lethal and renders 90% of the women with it barren. Endometriosis is the leading cause of infertility in women today and sadly there’s no cure. 4 out of 100 women find sex painful and uncomfortable. Out of this 4, 2 have pre-existing conditions example, cervical cancer, endometriosis or fibroids that cause the excruciating pain. So the first thing to do when you find sex unbearably painful is to seek medical aid you may never know the underlying issue.

Conservative mindset mostly occurs to women who ‘saved themselves for marriage’. According to Dr Elle of the Nairobi physiotherapy clinic am alarming number of women suffer through this. This has its root on the notion that sex has consequences and abstinence is the key. It creates  mindset that sex is evil hence the body tries to ‘protect’ itself from this immoral dangerous act. This in accordance to statistics is the leading cause of vaginamus in present day Kenya.

Lastly is the leading cause and that is sexual assault that resulted to trauma or child birth that resulted in trauma. For those who have been rapped or sexually assaulted opening up and allowing someone to make love might not be as easy ass 1,2,3. Fear of valnurbility or extreme pain results in the body wanting to protect itself hence vaginamus.

So is there treatment?

No there’s no treatment for vaginamus but there’s a physiotherapy program that aids in controlling the contractions and enjoying the process. Through pelvic floor physiotherapy 75% of women get over the condition. T he rest find sex at the very least bearable.

other non medical alternative include

  1. Alchol
  2. Meds that make you buzzy

There’s no shame in having vaginamus its a common condition and a curable one at that.


Leave a Reply