Life After Rape

There days like today I wish that could wake up with amnesia , forget the past 24hrs. Everytime I shut my eyes I remember slithering under his and hands and wondering how I had gotten myself into this situation in the first place. My head buried under his pit and my face fully shattered .  I fought and fought hard to the point of almost going limp. His stubby hands glowering on my tiny breasts and squeezing a little too hard for comfort. I screamt in pain and he insisted on going on with the assault. When I felt I couldn’t escape I bit him hard that’s when I managed to escape my sexual assaulter.

‘why did, you bite me?” he kept asking in a rather stupid voice and I was silent insisting on finding my lipstick ksh 2200 nouba. ‘I’ll send it to you once I find it’ he said and I knew that was never going to happen so I grabbed my bag and shoes. On the background I’d hear him calling ‘Judy’ who had called him earlier and claimed she call him once she arrived. I don’t know If he was calling her to spite me or because he needed an easy lay but I felt like telling her to run for the hills your with the wrong type of guy. The act did not evoke any emotion out  of me apart from spite. I remember thinking how stupid can he be. He almost rapped me, he’s  physically assaulted me in broad daylight and now he thinks I would give a damn about him being with another woman?

I remember calling my boyfriend to pick me up on the deserted stage  once I’d walked and walked in an endless circle trying to compose myself after my assault. I was in tears when he arrived because I kept remembering during my vaginismus  stage my boyfriend literally lost his erection because he was scared he’d cause me too much pain and yet after I screamed and shouted this asshole wouldn’t get the picture. I felt like a fool. Every time I tried to reason with myself I remembered screaming and no one would help me. The neighbors house which was filled with guests could not hear me over the loud music he’d kept to apparently set the mood.

I fought hard to try and explain to myself why but in the long run I found myself stuck between a rock and a hard place. I could go report him to the authorities because my father will need to be involved and my boyfriend would be the best lawyer money can buy in this situation.I couldn’t bare the idea of any of them looking at me differently or the hurt on their faces that someone had disrespected someone they love.  I sat down for hours wondering how I’ll bring out the topic and start narrating  what happened but opted to shut up.

Every minute up to this hour I wonder why I just didn’t rent out an airbnb, why I stupidly decided to go to his place , why I spent my money on an overpriced meal and bought him overpriced liquor that he probably didn’t need. I regret doing good thing to people who didn’t deserve it, he clearly didn’t.

Am still debating on the action to take. As I write this I have a serious out pour of emotions my boyfriend has just asked me for the millionth time if am okay. He keeps pacing left to right and hovering around me probably thinks its his fault. He hasn’t gone to work today because ‘he’s worried’. I haven’t spoken more than two words since it happened yesterday. Am just glad I wasn’t rapped but inside am still shaken up lets hope the next thirteen reasons why or sugar won’t be about me.

 

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3 Comments

  1. So sorry dear, I think you should report. You have the neighbors as witness at least. Your the one who will suffer in the long run and he’ll just do this to another woman.

  2. If you want to report or not that’s your choice. I think you should though because I hate knowing that there men who get away with such acts.

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